“I ought to sue you! I can, you know!” Clarence Timmelsen screamed at the warden. He stiffened and shuddered. Tears of rage stung his eyes. “You’re kicking me out of prison to send me to a nursing home?” He shook his fist and growled. “I’m gonna sue your ass!” ~ excerpt from my first published book, Released.
Yep. That’s me.
Screaming. Tears of rage.
Not pretty, but true. Anger. In Clarence’s life and my own life. It has changed me. (Read the series to see how it changed Clarence!) Anger has crushed my hopes, my dreams. It has broken relationships. Added wrinkles (more than just age-related). There is a frown, a stubborn line to my jaw. But those things are just indicative of what is going on inside of me. The ugly pus of anger has been growing there a long time.
I’m not going to go into every hurt or wound right now. But most of all, I am learning: 1) It’s my choice to react or not (sometimes the other person serves their pain and junk, alongside their words, and I get to choose to react or not.), 2) I can get rid of my junk (more on that in a future post), and 3) I can learn to rest in The One Who Made Me.
Writing the The Great Escapee Series (Released and Rescued are the first and second books is this series.) is revealing my own sludge of anger. When I puke it all out (lots of icky words here, right?) and it’s in black and white on a page, it is horrifying. That’s the real horror story. But as I linger in those words–that scene above, or another, from Released–I recognize myself and the truth.
That’s why writers write–to understand themselves and the world they live in. And to learn how to be a better person. That’s when it begins to change from a horror story, to a Love story.
P.S. A friend/mentor has challenged me to write here once a week. I wanted to spew at him (in anger!) “I don’t have time!” But I rise to his challenge.
Your job? Hold me accountable!
Are you dealing with any of this junk? Leave a comment or go to the contact page and send me an email. I will reply!
Cheers! Eat frosting!
Ask and you shall receive!
But it took me two weeks to drum up the nerve to ask her. I’m so glad I did.
I tried to talk myself out of it. She is so busy with being a newlywed, new mom, new book out, new …
But I did ask her.
This is what she sent: “A curmudgeonly ex-con senior citizen, a little girl named Bea, and her addict mother. An unlikely trio crosses paths on the road to redemption from their pasts in small town Nebraska–with a little help from above. With true-to-life grit and characters you love to love (and some you love to hate), RELEASED is a fresh slice of hope in a world of injured souls.”
Thank you Tosca!
I love ‘I didn’t quit’ stories.
As my son, Jeremy says, “Keep on pushing.”
When you have a gift, you have to do it. Whether it is drawing motorcycles like my son, or writing books like me, or going to school, or working at a job that you know you are destined to do, it calls you.
It draws you. There is no reasoning or comprehending.
You just have to do it.
You are called.
You are chosen just for that task … or job … No one else can do it but you.
So don’t quit.
I’m tired and cranky and all out of sorts.
And I have fifty chapters left in what I think is my 18th pass of edits.
I’m sick of the story. I would rather clean the oven or gather junk for a trip to Goodwill.
The sun is somewhere else. Not here anyway. Gloomy gloomy.
But. I am starting my writing day at 10:30 a.m. as usual. Somedays it’s at 2 p.m. or 3.
But today I begin in Faith, knowing that if I but start, the page will carry me away. The story will grab hold of my heart again, and I will be sad when my tired body needs to quit.