This has been bugging me for some time—maybe months.

How do I sell books, increase income to support the business and pay bills, promote myself to sell those books, get my books out there? And all the while lifting up the name of Jesus.

How do I do that?

I realized that when I promoted my books and my writing, that I was afraid if I was totally honest about my faith that I might not sell books. I was hiding my Jesus.

Even at the state fair last August, I questioned whether I should be open about my faith.

What on earth?

I have never done that.

Or have I?

In my shyness, my introversion, my fear of looking bad or stupid, I have hedged around the truth—that Jesus is my Lord and my Savior. He is the reason that I do what I do—write.

I have idolized people/authors who have made big money. Not trusting my God to provide. Not trusting Him to deliver the sales to keep this business going so I can afford to keep on hiring the editors and designers.

Idolatry.

Double minded.

Hypocrisy.

I’m a fake.

Shame.

Lord I ask forgiveness. No, I repent of hypocrisy. Please forgive me.

Why did I think of C. S. Lewis just now? Did he write about hypocrisy? Did he ponder, “What will people think?” Did he worry if people would even buy his work?

Humble me Lord. Crush the idolatry.

I was trying to think of a person in the Bible who was a hypocrite.

And just now. Boom!

Peter denied You, Jesus, three times.

I’ve denied You.

In my social media, I post cats, plants, books, but not You.

I’m all about praying, worshipping … in my personal life.

But business? Not so much.

Lord how do I do this?

Just now, I felt more than heard this. “Follow Me.”

Aligned. Fully devoted. Fully honest. To repentance. Repentant and forgiven.

End of struggling. End of striving to make it happen with the books. If You Lord want them to get sold, they will sell. Every time I ask you if I should this or that, You say, “Just keep writing.”

So I am.

After a friend’s mom’s funeral. This is still on my heart. I don’t feel it. But this just occurred to me. I go by faith, not feelings.

He is directing me to Ps 91.

As I read verses 11 and 12, I sensed angels. I held out both hands in surrender, but worship to my King Jesus. I sensed rather than felt hands grasping mine.

Thankful.